Male Allies: 6 Ways to Be an Ally To Women at Work
Note from Rania: Rachana Bhide, Global Talent Lead: Bloomberg Engineering and a news presenter for Bloomberg Radio London founded The Corner of the Court, a website for women share positive experiences with male allies to encourage more men to play a visible and active role in the way they work and lead with women. She shared with me that her idea for Corner of the Court started when she was conducting research for her Masters degree at Columbia University. Rachana was inspired by the impact her brother’s support had on her and her observation that “So many guys I knew behaved as feminists, yet they never thought that word applied to them, nor did they know their behavior made an impact.”
Rachana views male allies akin to being in an athlete’s corner: someone who is there for the person but is not playing the game for them. Based on her research and the stories women have shared with her, here are six things male allies do:
1. Know the Culture
In any organization, leveraging your influence successfully relies on knowing and working within the culture. Jen Welter, the first female to coach in the NFL, said her ally, Bruce Arians, Head Coach of the Arizona Cardinals, knew how important it was to focus on the players. “In the process of hiring me… he wanted my position to be something his players were also proud of—in a way, he was letting the guys on the team be heroes in championing me,” says Jen.
Kim Saxton says that her mentor, Shawn, knew the pharmaceutical company where they worked heavily valued titles and pedigree. As such, when she joined his team in a senior role, he made sure to introduce her by leading with both her title and educational background—that she was a graduate of MIT, and she would be his trusted advisor.
2. Signal Your Support to Others
Kim said her former boss used to visibly show others his support in a subtle but powerful way, a behavior she calls signaling. “At the start of the meeting, he would come in with his coffee cup, pause, and then leave. Then the meeting would start. Everyone knew I was still there and I was his delegate.”
Karen’s former boss, Digby, was similarly visible in his support. “He would preface things with, ‘What I learned from Karen is…’” says Karen. She continues, “This demonstrated a great deal of respect for me in front of my new colleagues.”
3. Ask Great Questions
Great allies on our website have often been able to make a lasting impact often with only a few, thoughtful words. A great question has often been the turning point in her career that many women remember. Chief Millennial Officer Liz, says her ally, JC, asked her, ‘What can you do to go the extra mile?’ while she says she was “breaking through many self-imposed limitations. He often asked me questions to get me to expand my thinking to go above and beyond.”
Similarly, when Emily, a Recruitment Marketing Specialist, hesitated about taking a new role, her boss, Kevin, asked, ‘Why don’t you want to be a recruiter?’ “If Kevin hadn’t intervened when I was feeling intimidated by the newness of cold calling, there is a possibility that I wouldn’t have developed the experience and skills that have been so critical to my career as a marketer now,” says Emily.
Nicole’s ally, Rory, similarly gave her a thought-provoking “assignment” to define her five value pillars, which Nicole says “greatly helped me learn a lot about myself” while she was going through a career transition.
4. Take a Chance
Jen knew that Bruce did not have “an easy decision, and certainly it was not one that had been made before,” in hiring her to be the first female to coach in the NFL.
She says, “Bruce is known for his saying, ‘No risk it, no biscuit,’ and that statement definitely applied to his decision to hire me. His courage in hiring me, a woman, has now opened the door for many other coaches to follow. I take great pride in knowing that Bruce was the first.”
Many of our women tell stories of when they first started out in a particular career or job, and that their male ally trusted his instincts as he mentored her. Shelley Smith of ESPN shares, “I was a new, young reporter for SI assigned to the NBA finals in the late 1980s. I was terrified. Jack (McCallum), whom I had never met, took me under his wing, showed me the ropes.”
5. Adapt, Pitch In, and Shift
Several of our stories show how male allies are willing to make a needed shift without compromising thier own sense of contribution. Megan Anderson, Founder of #GoSponsorHer, says, “Sharing the pie 50/50 is tricky given that the proportions are always shifting and someone always ends up needing to do more of the grunt work at any given time. Mike and I are explicit about those shifts and explicit about who is taking the lead on the homefront at any given time.”
Julie Kratz, author of ONE: How Male Allies Support Women for Gender Equality, says, without her husband, Rustin, “Our coaching business and family life would not be possible. He maintains the home, takes excellent care of our amazing girls, helps with our business, and is always there when I need that nudge or to vent about travel snafus. He’s our family’s rock.”
Megan also says, “If we are going to make real change, we have to allow men to change too — they needn’t carry the traditional pressures being the sole partner with a career.”
6. Nurture Possibilities
Our great male allies and mentors help us create. This can be an actual, physical co-creation of a product, like Erin Albert’s mentor, Dr. David Borst, who together authored The S(He) Says Guide to Mentoring, a “his and hers perspective on setting up women’s mentoring programs.”
It can also be helping a woman see what possibilities could lie ahead. Sociologist Christin, says her mentor, Dr. M., asked if she would like to go to Cornell University for graduate school, which Christin says, “set in motion a career trajectory beyond my wildest dreams. Had he not suggested Cornell, I wouldn’t have applied and I certainly wouldn’t have been accepted or graduated. I took on an ambitious dissertation project, which helped me land a prestigious postdoc at Stanford… [which led to] my current position which is, in every way, my dream job.”